A quiet and undisturbed night is such a luxury to me.

Since i moved back to Seremban, i hardly get any form of peace. Don't get me wrong; i am very much grateful that i'm able to see my family everyday and be with them all day long. It's just that i really like my personal space. Despite most people thinking that i am loud, i do really appreciate my time alone. In fact, i am actually an introvert, whether you want to believe it or not. 

As i am writing this, i'm in my KL apartment, all by myself. This unit is on the 12th floor and has a small semicircle balcony that fits a small coffee table just fine. This is where i usually sit and get my work done. The view isn't to die for, to be honest. It's overlooking the pool of a nearby hotel and also the concrete jungle, but this is way good enough for me. It is now 10 o'clock at night and it's raining. Oh how much i needed this! I can smell the rain, i can feel the wind blowing in my face and i am listening to my Selaras by Kunto Aji & Nadin Amizah.

This brief moment of serene is when i usually do some reflections and count my blessings. I personally have so many stories to tell you, but writing requires utmost focus and time-- and those are the two things that i do not have right now.

1. At this point, i am just beyond grateful that my parents are both healthy and still staying strong. The both of them have been fully vaccinated! Yayy! I'm also so happy that they are the last people that i see when i sleep and the first when i wake up.

2. I am not earning as much money as i hoped i would at the age of 26 but i am beyond grateful for the life i'm currently living. I have very understanding and supportive people around me who always, in their own ways, show that they believe in me.

3. I have a friend who is a counsellor and last year during a casual hangout, he noticed that there's something wrong with my mental state (at this point, i was still very in denial). He pointed it out and told me to get help immediately. And of course, i brushed his advice under the rug. My mental health was at its worst earlier this year. It started fluctuating late last year and remained at its lowest earlier this year. I stared at blank walls, i almost blacked out when i was driving, etc. I'm not used to losing my self-control. So some time around middle of this year, i finally took the first step to seek professional help. I would still like to keep the diagnosis and the story of my mental health private but all in all, i'm still glad i took the first step and reached out for help. 

4. If you hadn't known, over a year ago, Zuriani and I started our urban farm business. Obviously, she does the most part of it and i would work on the business side of it. A lot of people voiced out their concerns that i left my job to be a farmer. I really appreciate your concern but don't worry, guys. I still have projects that i run on the side to financially support myself. As these projects require me to spend strenuous hours in front of the computer, it is very therapeutic to look at organic materials and play with dirt, soil and vegetables whenever i want. I consider myself extremely lucky that i get to do this when i know a lot of people are confined within the four walls of their apartments. Oh i can't wait for the pandemic to end. I would love to have all of you visit our little farm!

5. My sleeping pattern is finally normal! Yayy! I now sleep around midnight and i'd wake up around 7am. The 19-year-old me would be so proud of myself! :D

Speaking of which, it's getting late. I have a whole bunch of stories that i would really like to share with you. InsyaAllah, when the time comes, i would definitely tell you.

Until then, stay safe!


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