Coping with the Movement Control Order

Two months ago, when the government first announced the Movement Control Order, i have to admit there was a part of me that was relieved-- that i could finally stay home and work from home. Though at that time i didn't know what 'working from home' entails, i was relieved that the work-style  i requested from my employer months ago is finally being put to practice.

The naive me thought that hey, as long as i get the tasks done, my work schedule is entirely up to me. The world forcing everyone to stay home buys me more time to finish the book that i have been putting on hold for the longest time; master my piano skills; enroll for free online courses and maybe pick up new skills that i've been longing to try.

What i thought would be that start of a better work-life balance went 360.

The balance is almost non-existent. I've been working harder than ever. I go to bed when my eyestrain feels unbearable and when i wake up in the morning, i spend about 15 minutes to shower and i head straight to my work desk. The 9-to-5 job has shifted to a 24/7 job-- and i am absolutely certain that this isn't an isolated case. I see a lot of my friends complaining about losing their work-life balance too.

I feel so burnt out. I'm tired but i know i'm not one to complain about my job when a lot of my peers have lost their jobs over the period of this pandemic. Shops that have been booming for years are forced to close shut. Merdekarya, a local neighbourhood pub that showcases local artistes are struggling to survive. They are always very transparent on the status of their business and earlier today, they announced that unless they manage to sell every bottle of tuak (999 bottles when they first announced), they have no choice but to close shop. Merdekarya has been a very dear place to me-- it is where i like to go to listen to live music and have some 'me' time and to see that they have to struggle this much saddens me.

VCR, a chain of cafe that is located on Jalan Galloway and on Jalan Telawi, is one of the local businesses that adapts to the pandemic the fastest. Their soft shell crab burger (only at Jalan Galloway outlet) and their french toast are to die for. Upon the announcement of MCO by the government in March, VCR started selling breakfast staple set. Instead of selling cooked food deliveries or made-to-order dishes, they sell their raw products. A staple set maybe includes some eggs, meat and vegetables. I think that is quite smart of them of them since other cafes or bakeries like Jaslyn Cakes gives out there raw ingredients for free.

Anyway, my initial self-empowering plan isn't working out well since i barely have time for myself. I still have yet to pick up the book that i planned to finish by the first month of MCO and now we are already in the CMCO period. Joke's on me. However, the only thing i've done for myself so far is i finally got myself a condenser microphone and i started learning more on sound mixing, which is still..... something. When i'm done composing my first original song, you would be the first to know, okay? But looking at my pace, this could take another two years la.

Ahhh-- it feels nice to be able to write freely like this again.

Oh by the way, friends, we are only one 'puasa' away from Syawal. I would like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from whom i have hurt and offended. Genuinely from the bottom of my heart. For the life of me, there were too many things that happened since last Ramadhan, too many ups and downs that i refuse to look back vividly and recall the times i possibly offended someone-- for my own mental health so i don't slip into despair. All my life, i think the past 12 months were the times when i lost touch the most with people and reality. I wasn't me, if that makes sense. I made uncountable mistakes and i want you to know i'm sorry. I'm sorry that i was too much for you to handle. I'm sorry i was way out of line. I'm sorry i wasn't careful with my words. And most importantly-- I'm sorry i hurt you.

Moving on, i would like to turn over a new leaf and rekindle whatever bridge that i have destroyed. I'm open to confrontations, casual chat over coffee and maybe talk over the phone, even if we haven't really talked before. If we haven't spoken / chatted / we don't even follow each other anywhere on social media but you would like to have a conversation with me, please DM me or drop me an email. I am very friendly and i won't find you creepy. Trust me, i've met enough creepy people that 'creepy' isn't even in my dictionary anymore. Plus, i love talking to strangers. It's nice to talk to someone with a different background once in awhile. It makes me feel more... connected.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to those celebrating. Maaf zahir dan batin.
Stay home and stay safe.


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