Showing posts from July, 2014


There's this person that i'd been wanting to approach. One day, i actually approached that person and we actually talked things through. I let my heart out and i ended up in tears. We hugged and there was this victory feeling i felt when we did because God knows how long have i been wanting to get that hug. It felt like a miracle.

Boom. My phone vibrated. It was just a dream. Nothing happened except i actually cried in my sleep.

I know i speak about my dreams/sleep a lot. It's, i don't know, probably a way for me to connect with my subconscious. My dreams truly rock. They like making me feel "I can't believe this is actually happening. I have waited so long for this!" then "Oh. It was just a dream." a moment after. Well at least my dreams allow me to experience the situation.

You won't believe how frequent i get these kind of dreams. Dreams are dreams. Nothing more, nothing less. And i'm never going to get that hug anyway. Am i?


How many times have someone looked you in the eyes and say the three words and you know they are speaking truth without a slight bit of hesitance? How many times have someone cried for you when they see you cry? How many times have someone jumped into your mess just because they hate seeing you in mess? How many times have you been irritated with someone but you just can't help it but to help them whenever they are in trouble?
Not all kinds of love are dedicated to your other half. I hate it how people these days narrow it down to the affection you have for your other half. I love my parents and i love my friends. Don't you?
And sometimes you just need to show and express your love to someone to give them the assurance that they are actually loved.
Been reading journals these past few days for the sake of 5% for my communication research subject. I gotta do what i gotta do, right?


He knows what's best for me, doesn't he. Maybe He doesn't change my situation because He wants me to change. Maybe He wants to teach me a lesson. Maybe He's giving me a story to tell my children. Maybe He is reminding to not let emotions overpower my mind. Maybe the story is going to be better soon Maybe the breakdown is only the exposition of a good climax? Maybe He wants me to give up. Maybe. Maybe.
"You pernah dengar orang cakap pasal i tak?" "Cakap pasal apa?" "Apa-apa je" "Ada la, tapi diorang tanya i soalan-soalan biasa je pasal you. Kenapa you tanya macam tu?" "Saja je nak tau. Kalau cakap buruk pasal i?" "You ni kenapa ni?" "Jawab la soalan i" "Tak. Tak pernah. Besides, kalau i dengar orang cakap buruk pasal you pun, you ingat i nak biarkan ke?"
Mana nak cari kawan macam ni zaman sekarang?

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

You've forgotten about the phrase, haven't you? I'm a human; i make mistakes. I know i was wrong. I'm guilty as charged and i admit it. I think i have gotten enough penalty to last me a lifetime. This estrangement makes me feel like a convict. I don't know how long you want me to play this game of yours. I don't think i can take it any longer.
I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending like nothing happened. I'm up for confrontations if that's what you want. If that can clear the air and we can turn over a new leaf, then let's talk. If this estrangement is normal when i get attached to someone, then i miss being alone. Those late night walks by myself, sitting in the car alone, sitting by the balcony at night reading a book, etc.
I might as well just pick up a book and start reading again. Because i'm tired of waiting for something that takes forever. If you really wanna ditch me from your life, you could just say it to my face. Do me that smal…