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Showing posts from 2014

2014: Life-changing

I don't know about you but 2014 is definitely the most bitter-sweet year for me. To recap what happened this year kan, i went through my own profile on Instagram via web (so that i could see the dates). And it got me like "Eh, jap. It's still 2014 kan? It was this year?! Bukan tahun lepas ke?!" the entire time. Fuhhhh. It definitely is a very interesting, dramatic, sad, enjoyable, educational, life-changing year for me.
In case it doesn't ring a bell: My trip to Jonker Street for my graphics assignmentMy trip to Utusan for my publishing assignmentMy special ed trip for my photo communicationsMy Istimewa eventPulled an all-nighter for my journalism assignmentDramaFest KL with Ayeen and EcahMy National Youth Convention eventJohor trips (twice!)Terengganu A mini Puteri lepak sessionRaya with 'em Puteri bebisPre-ASEAN Youth ConventionAdvertising visit to M&C Saatchi and TBWAOAG AND AIZAT'S PERFORMANCES IN LENDUAIZAT'S SHOWCASEMC HomecomingMy trip to Ne…

Semester 6.

It’s been awhile, no? I’m in my second week of my final semester for my diploma. It still feels like a few months ago when I was contemplating whether to go for IR at Nottingham, A-levels at Taylor’s or masscomm at UiTM. And look where I am now—four months left and I’m done for my diploma! *crowd cheering*
In contrast to my prior assumption, I have yet to feel any sort of enthusiasm or sadness for graduation. I feel rather…empty. In all honesty, I don’t know why. I’m puzzled myself; is it normal to feel like this? What am I missing? I don’t even have any mixed emotions, you see. I really don’t feel anything. It feels like “Nak grad dah. Ha okay. I’ll pack my stuff now. Bye, everyone.” Instead of “I’m gonna miss you guys, I’m gonna miss my campus, I’m gonna miss my lecturers, yada yada yada”

Anyway, I have only four subjects left to complete my diploma. Professional project, marketing, translation and flash. I need your prayers man. Wish me luck.
Date written: 9/12/2014

Johor Bahru: Part 2

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I went to Johor again recently for a cousin bonding sesh and also for another cousin's wedding reception.
Late night stroll down a big 24-hour shopping centre in Singapore.  ^Nope. Not my hand. Nope.

As i got off the bus from Seremban, i told these dudes that i was in town and we planned something up and went lepak on my second day in Johor. 

^Tengok muka Haithar and Aliff dapat birthday presents.  Oh and meet Aliff: My groupmate since my second semester. Which means we've been groupmates for two years already. *insert arm-flexing emoji*
^Post punjabi-suit-hunting.

Late night confession #1

How oblivious can you be if you do not know how big of a DC Comics fan i can be. I mean, come on! So here's a story. Not even the slightest bit am i interested in watching a Marvel movie. No offence, Marvel movies are just as good, it's just that the ultimate superheroes for me will always be DCs.

However, i have watched Spiderman 1, 2 and 3; and The Avengers. When they were going to release The Avengers and everyone was so hyped for the premiere, it didn't affect me one bit. UNTIL, when i saw a humongous poster of The Hulk with 'Mark Ruffalo'(!) at Mid Valley. I was with Shakireen and Ema that time and i went, "Oh shit! Mark Ruffalo's playing The Hulk?!" and Shakireen's reply was "Duhh, didn't you know?!". Then i said to myself "Okay. I am definitely going to watch this movie."

All in all, i used to have the biggest crush on Mark Ruffalo. He could make me watch a movie just like that. The first time i was 'introduced&#…

Life update.

Knowing that this will be my last semester break, i don't quite know what to feel. Sad to be finishing my diploma or happy that i will be going through to the next chapter of the book. And facing the ugly truth that i (definitely) may be attached to some people, it feels quite dreadful to bid farewell to them.

I hope my life plan goes well. As much as 'UiTM Dihatiku', i wanna leave this place. I wanna know what other places out there have to offer. I want to breathe different air. I want to walk on different grass and leaves. I want to walk on a different path.

And if what it takes to earn all that is to say adieu for a few months, guess i have to take that leap of faith, ay? Wish me luck.

Was a fan and still am.

I used to fangirl over your music very much. Well, actually, i still do but you don't see me literally moving to the beat of your songs like i used to. Dah besar ni macam dah pandai segan-segan sikit kot. I like seeing you perform, never fails to brighten up my day. I know how much you love performing. You know the songs that i used to listen to back then, the ones that i could sing to, i still memorise each one of your songs. Blast the songs through some speakers and i can even perform to you right now. Including the dance moves. Hahaha.

The last time i saw you performed live, i tried to hold myself back and not sing along but i couldn't! It hurt me right at my throat when i saw the crowd not singing along to some 'legendary' songs of yours. Probably i was the only one in the crowd who knew word by word? Aiyayay, so i just went on and sang along as if i wasn't sitting right in front of you. Lantak la eh. So i went full on and i assume i sort of humiliated myself i…

Twitter: DEACTIVATED

You may have not noticed, but yes, i have deactivated my twitter account. For various reasons.

Banyak benda on twitter yang caused me to be nothing but furious. And i do not like being in fury. Which is also why i deleted my previous post. Siapa yang baca tu, baca la. Siapa yang tak sempat baca, tak payah baca. I consider my anger as my weakness and fuhh, how i hate being there,

Back to Twitter, whenever i read something that led to me being angry, i tended to just put my phone away. Ye la, buat apa you read something yang buat you sakit hati? But a couple of hours later, when i had nothing to do, i'd eventually go back to Twitter and the process applied over and over and over again. So i took a couple of deep breaths and deactivated my Twitter. *exhales* Ugh, hopefully i won't miss a thing.

Today is the 10th day for me being Twitter-free, and hey, I am not addicted to Twitter afterall! So far so good. And this also means that this blog is the only place for me to write/expres…

Kuala Lumpur : Part 2

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As promised.


The diary-like post.

Hi. It has been over a year but i was reminded of you yesterday. Quite a lot of times, actually. Countless times of the hmm-how-i-wish-you're-here-right now occurrence. Especially when we lacked of manpower, i knew you'd help out if you were around. Oh, and i met your parents too. Spoke to your father, hugged your mom. They're definitely, without doubt, two of the strongest people i know. And your father told me that they're finally switching off your phone because it's been over a year, you see. Heck, i didn't know it was on all this while! Hahaha! Or i wouldn't have....
We miss you, bud. I miss you. Al-Fatihah.

Kuala Lumpur.

So I just finished my three-day-two-night around KL and Selangor! (As jakun as that may sound)
No, it’s not like I’ve never been around KL, it’s just that I took the routes that I’d never taken and they made me see Kuala Lumpur in a whole different perspective. And probably because I went for the tour at night, I’ve never realized that (putting the dangerous part aside) Kuala Lumpur is really, really pretty at night. I had never gotten the chance to take a stroll around the city at night because, you know, I take the public transport most of the time and the last train to Seremban is at 11. This time around, I slept at Ema’s place and that explains how I got the chance to take a walk around the city.
Whenever my dad drove around Bukit Bintang at night, the street seemed like a very eerie place to go; too crowded, too many weird people and I was just “Whoop, not gonna come here!”
But I did the other day with Ema and it was not so bad.
Of course, I felt very vulnerable and insecure that I…

Puisi 7 kerat.

Masa berjalan Bukan kebelakang tapi kedepan Aku dah buntu Takut tak cukup waktu Sekarang dah kurang daripada tiga hari Tapi kenapa kau tak sampai lagi?
Wahai mood untuk study advertising?

Logic.

So you are in a relationship.
Have you noticed that you only have two options ahead of you?

It's either you get married or break up.

Sure, you don't have to decide now.
But you sure need to make up your mind sooner or later.
Don't deny that.

If you're so sure that you don't want to get married to him/her,
why waste time?


Benda paling sakit sekali is when people keep saying that you're strong and all fearless when the real deal is that you know you're not. Struggling like mad every single day, put on a poker face and pretend like it's alright when you know nothing is right. If you lepak with me long enough, then you'd know i'm not fearless. Pfft.

September 10th, 2014.

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For the flowers, cards, fruits, drinks, food, donations, toys and pillow. For the support, company, visits, prayers, concerns, thoughts and worries. For the calls, texts, hashtags, tweets, facebook. Family, friends and well-wishers from Malaysia especially Seremban, UiTM Lendu, Johor, KL, to overseas: Indonesia, my ASEAN friends and the United States. Thank you. I wouldn't possibly be recovering this fast if it wasn't for your prayers and concerns. I can't thank you enough. Thank you.

Hello. This is officially my first post since the incident. Honestly, thinking of your concerns and the troubles that you have to go through just to see me recover washes off the pain. I don't know how to repay you. I'm really thankful that i'm surrounded with you kind-hearted, caring and thoughtful people. What happened was almost unbearable. But with you, i managed to go through them all. The first few days were the most painful days of my life. I couldn't even move an inch w…

Aidilfitri 2014

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Recognise these faces? You don't know how grateful i was to be able to see them again. It felt like school all over again! So glad to have you guys back :)

For you.

Good day, everyone. I have a movie critique to be submitted in about 5 hours but I need a break and I wanna write.
Here I am, talking about love again. I used to think that love songs are nothing but bullshit, saying how you would do so many things for your beau. I stood corrected when I experience it myself. And the best part is I have that kind of affection towards my friends. Urgh, I can’t find another term for them. I feel the term ‘friends’ is too distant and meaningless.
Anyway, I love it when I look at them and think to myself how grateful I am to have you in my life. I just thought you should know that I honestly do feel happy when you’re happy. Going through some fuss, getting cuts and bruises are nothing if I can make you happy. Spending some ringgit just so I could see you smile is definitely worth the money. Don’t stress yourself—you’re stressing me out too. Lying to your face is definitely the most painful thing I can ever think of. Or worse—knowing how much you hate me.

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Nak jadi journalist kena la acah-acah press berhimpit-himpit nak interview lol

Dreams.

There's this person that i'd been wanting to approach. One day, i actually approached that person and we actually talked things through. I let my heart out and i ended up in tears. We hugged and there was this victory feeling i felt when we did because God knows how long have i been wanting to get that hug. It felt like a miracle.

Boom. My phone vibrated. It was just a dream. Nothing happened except i actually cried in my sleep.

I know i speak about my dreams/sleep a lot. It's, i don't know, probably a way for me to connect with my subconscious. My dreams truly rock. They like making me feel "I can't believe this is actually happening. I have waited so long for this!" then "Oh. It was just a dream." a moment after. Well at least my dreams allow me to experience the situation.

You won't believe how frequent i get these kind of dreams. Dreams are dreams. Nothing more, nothing less. And i'm never going to get that hug anyway. Am i?

Love

lʌv/
How many times have someone looked you in the eyes and say the three words and you know they are speaking truth without a slight bit of hesitance? How many times have someone cried for you when they see you cry? How many times have someone jumped into your mess just because they hate seeing you in mess? How many times have you been irritated with someone but you just can't help it but to help them whenever they are in trouble?
Not all kinds of love are dedicated to your other half. I hate it how people these days narrow it down to the affection you have for your other half. I love my parents and i love my friends. Don't you?
And sometimes you just need to show and express your love to someone to give them the assurance that they are actually loved.
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Been reading journals these past few days for the sake of 5% for my communication research subject. I gotta do what i gotta do, right?
#PrayForGambit

Lessons.

He knows what's best for me, doesn't he. Maybe He doesn't change my situation because He wants me to change. Maybe He wants to teach me a lesson. Maybe He's giving me a story to tell my children. Maybe He is reminding to not let emotions overpower my mind. Maybe the story is going to be better soon Maybe the breakdown is only the exposition of a good climax? Maybe He wants me to give up. Maybe. Maybe.
"You pernah dengar orang cakap pasal i tak?" "Cakap pasal apa?" "Apa-apa je" "Ada la, tapi diorang tanya i soalan-soalan biasa je pasal you. Kenapa you tanya macam tu?" "Saja je nak tau. Kalau cakap buruk pasal i?" "You ni kenapa ni?" "Jawab la soalan i" "Tak. Tak pernah. Besides, kalau i dengar orang cakap buruk pasal you pun, you ingat i nak biarkan ke?"
Mana nak cari kawan macam ni zaman sekarang?

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

You've forgotten about the phrase, haven't you? I'm a human; i make mistakes. I know i was wrong. I'm guilty as charged and i admit it. I think i have gotten enough penalty to last me a lifetime. This estrangement makes me feel like a convict. I don't know how long you want me to play this game of yours. I don't think i can take it any longer.
I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending like nothing happened. I'm up for confrontations if that's what you want. If that can clear the air and we can turn over a new leaf, then let's talk. If this estrangement is normal when i get attached to someone, then i miss being alone. Those late night walks by myself, sitting in the car alone, sitting by the balcony at night reading a book, etc.
I might as well just pick up a book and start reading again. Because i'm tired of waiting for something that takes forever. If you really wanna ditch me from your life, you could just say it to my face. Do me that smal…

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

My favourite month has arrived!  Nyehehe. It's Ramadhan, and it means that our loved ones who have left are gonna pay us a visit for awhile. That one month when you won't feel as lonely :)
Also, every Ramadhan has a story. Something nice happens every Ramadhan and I can't wait to know what's going to happen this time around.
Happy fasting and Ramadhan Al-Mubarak, everyone :)

Happy birthday, Kiddo!

Yes, i deliberately did not wish you on your birthday. It has been a habit of not wishing my friends on their birthdays. I know, it's bad.
But anyway, you're 19 now! Have a great year ahead and i just want you to enjoy being 19. I know i had fun when i was 19. And i just wanna say thank you for having my back and always lending your ear whenever i needed someone to talk to. You're one of the reasons why i haven't given up on writing and you're the reason my this blog still exists. 
Your spirit is admirable and continue doing things that you love. Life is tough at some points in life. It's inevitable. But if you keep doing things that you love and stay truthful, InsyaAllah you can make it through. I may not seem like i'm online or busy most of the time, but that's just because i like keeping myself occupied. You have my number, you know where my house is, if you wanna reach me, you know what to do. Just in case you're wondering, no, i do not forget my …

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

No, i'm not a fan of Goo Goo Dolls. Let me make that clear before you jump to conclusions. I just like this song.
It's one of the songs that i feel like an acoustic version of it would be just as good. Imagine a male vocal singing it slightly-effortlessly and a single guitar. I'd listen to it repeatedly. My eyes would be closed and It can take me to another world.

Movies vs. Reality

Sakit hati gila bila tengok these people who can just barge into their friend's house and say "Hey, i hope i'm not interrupting" and their friends be like "Oh, no, you're not. I was just looking at the stars" or something like that. Kalau kita mesti macam "Eh, umm, awat tak habaq nak mai? I'm mopping the floor, after this i gotta wash the car and fold some clothes. You can wait in the room for awhile." And then kalau kita mesti parents suruh buat air la, goreng karipap la, kukus pepes la.
Oh, and the people in films sanggup datang all the way from their house to their friend's place, stay 2 minit, cakap 10 patah perkataan, pastu balik. Like, eh, banyak duit mak bapak kau, bayar duit minyak kereta kau nak drive all the way nak cakap 10 patah perkataan? Kau mesti tak pernah bergayut on the phone kan?

Why I Love Lex Luthor : Part 1.

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In case who haven't figured it out yet, i was an avid follower of Smallville. I literally watched every single episode from the first season all the way till the sixth season. I stopped watching in the middle of the seventh season because i thought it was getting more absurd. Because it was a Friendster era, i answered approximately more than a hundred questions on Smallville and my title was the 'Semi-Goddess'. Believe it or not.
Who is my favourite character you may ask? Lex Luthor. If you know what he has been through, how tough his life is, you would feel like he is the real nemesis of Superman. Which is why, i'm going to start posting reasons or situations that make me love Lex even more. ____________________________________________
Smallville : Season 1, episode 8.
Lex Luthor and Clark Kent were held hostage at a Luthorcorp plant. Lionel (Lex's father), Jonathan and Martha Kent (Clark's parents) were waiting outside. As Lex and Clark left the building, Clark …

"For every time you get into a relationship, you lose a friend."

How would you agree with the title? 
I have to agree with it. And i have to confess that i hate it when my friends get into relationships, because it just means that i'll only be needed when he can't listen to her problems or later when she's back single. 
When my friends get into relationships, of course i'm happy. I'm happy whenever they're happy. It's just that at times it makes me feel like a doormat. I can't recall the last time we talk about me or you instead of you (you and him). Like, hello, since when have i switched jobs from being a friend to a love consultant? Don't get me wrong, I feel honoured that you'd come find me when you need an ear to listen, but do you have to make it that obvious that that's the only reason why we're still talking?

Ideas.

I'm on my semester break and i'm trying to occupy it. I worked for my secondary school, can you believe it? They called me during the first fortnight of my break to assist them with some science project. I was told to record, edit and burn the videos into CDs. That was my first pay ever(excluding the times when i worked for my father la) and the satisfaction was indescribable.
On a totally unrelated note, I feel like there are too many ideas stuck in my head. I don't know how to get them out! If only i could just bang my head to the wall and boom, the ideas come spilling out of the idea drawer and channels to the brain, that'd be greaat. If only. Is that even logical? If only. 
I'm gonna make/produce something this year. I'm batshit serious. More serious than how Tommy Lee Jones look most of the time. Wish me luck, guys. I love you.

Legoland - May '14

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I hope this explains why i was MIA for a few weeks.












(Just something that i wrote earlier and didn't get the chance to post it.)

It is a Wednesday and i am sitting at Starbucks Jusco S2 alone. As usual.
There isn't that many people like how it would usually be during the weekends. You know how Starbucks is, always filled with hipster teenagers sitting on the couch next to the glass window, how the tables outside are occupied by the early 20s, catching up with each other(ex-schoolmates maybe). It is rather quiet on weekdays. And here i am, sitting at a round table for 4, hating myself for being attached.
I hate it how in 2010, I was able to stroll around the mall alone and not feel like i miss and need someone to be by my side and 2014; i feel totally the opposite. I somehow feel like i was much more independent back then. Sekarang ni semua benda rasa macam nak kena berteman. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it to know that i'm relying on someone.
Doe, you don't have to say it but we all know that you'll eventually distant yourself from us. We won't be that close anymore, we won't share that man…

Offended.

Bahasa Melayu : Terasa x kecil hati x makan hati 
English : offended əˈfɛndɪd/ adjective - resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
Although i feel like 'offended' is an understatement of 'terasa' because i personally feel that 'terasa' has a deeper meaning, that's what i'm going to talk about in this post.
I don't usually feel offended by people that easily. Well, i casually do but i overcome it very easily. Recently(and by recent i mean about a week-or-so ago), i was offended by a person who is quite close to me. I hate to admit that the reason was quite foolish and childish. I have no rational reason to get offended to begin with. I was terribly offended that i began cursing as soon i got to be alone. 
Then it hit me like a train.
A few weeks ago, there was a case where one of my close friends was offended by another friend for quite a foolish reason too. I kept telling my friends that it was preposterous for that friend to get…

Count your blessings: Part 2.

Recently, God has been showing me signs that you won't know sweetness if you haven't felt bitterness. You will not appreciate the luxury if you haven't been through hardships. Agree?
Honestly, you must have been through times when your friend gets all cheapskate and you go "Alaa, takkan la McD RM10 tu pun nak berkira?", no? Think of it this way. If a person has to work his butt off at a place that pays RM4/hour, do you think he would work two and a half hours just to get a McValue meal at McDonald's? Nope, no, definitely not. 
Each of us has obviously felt hardships regardless of financially, socially or mentally. Sometimes when we think that a person has never felt hardships, think again. Also, God is never evil that if He takes something away, He takes a few other things away as well. If a person is surrounded with so many people who loves her, she could be facing financial problems. If she is a wallflower, she could be the most talented person you'll eve…

JinnyBoyTV 2.0

There has got to be something that you dream to do, right? Like meeting your celebrity crushes, or be a famous pop star
I have a lot in mind and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT. The thing that is surfacing right now would definitely be being a part of JinnyBoyTV. I don't know, man. The entire team is exactly what i have always wanted to be, ever since i was in high school. They produce these really good short films on YouTube with spectacular quality, i must say. Like, urgh, why aren't i this creative?! 
To be frank, Farah and I have always dreamed of producing these kind of films. Good message, good cinematography, short and sweet. It's just unfortunate that we are in different cities, different universities and different courses that to be able to even meet each other once a month is indescribably wonderful. 
Ergo, i have a mission: I have to produce at least 4 short films during my entire lifetime. (I know 4 sounds too little, but i'm turning 20 and we haven't produ…

"What would be the best day of your life?"

For me, i don't think it would be the day of my graduation. It wouldn't be my wedding day.
It would be the day when i can spend however i want; without having curfew; without thinking of work the next day; without receiving a single call for the entire day from my sister or my parents and just spend the day with the people i trust and am comfortable with; without worrying of what people would think; without wondering if we're bothering anyone else.
Maybe we can all sit by a camp fire or a fire pit and we can just talk the entire night //  // Lay down and fall asleep by the beach on bare sand // // Talk about the things that we never thought we would talk about // // Be so darn honest with each other // 
That would definitely be a splendid day for me.
No money needed, just some time and trust.

Brain vs heart

Liking the ones who you shouldn't like Hating the ones you should love Distancing yourself from the ones you should be close with Denying the feelings you should be standing for Egotistical at the wrong times.
Feelings suck, no?

Don't read: Too much hate on this post.

I have never felt this irritated with anyone before. You're always around, you're everywhere! You're on my instagram, you're on my twitter, you're on my whatsapp, you're everywhere! If only there is a more subtle way to tell you to back off.. You wouldn't listen to what i say, you would emphasize on all of the wrong points, and you're 'teaching' me how to feel, and you dare say that i'm lying about my own feelings?! What?! Urgh, just leave me alone! 
I need a getaway. Stat. 

MH370

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The missing plane had definitely put Malaysia in the eyes of the world. If you've been waiting for the day when Malaysia will be put in the world map, this is it-- for all the wrong reasons.
To those affected by the misfortune, stay strong. You're not alone. Through thick and thin, through high and low. I love you, Malaysia.
God bless their souls, God bless their families and friends, God bless this country, God bless our leaders.
God bless Malaysia.
#PrayforMH370

Study week!

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Alhamdulillah, i have completed my fourth semester(minus my final exams la lol)!

I'm currently in my study week and as ironic as it may sound, i'm rewarding myself with academic-book-free week. I can't explain how tiring the past few weeks have been. I can't recall keeping myself as occupied with studies as the last few weeks. There were nights when we didn't sleep at all, when we slept at 9am, 6am, wow.

The stop-motion video i talked about, it went okay la. It wasn't great, it wasn't disappointing, it was just alright. Why? I started shooting the video in less than 24 hours from the time of submission. Talking about last minute, for my Journalism group assignment, we finished compiling our full report within the last hour before class. Class was at 8.30am; we finished the assignment at 7.40-ish, and we printed at 8.10am. And with absolutely no practice or preparation, we nailed our presentation. Alhamdulillah.

If i can conclude the semester with one word, it …