You know why..

If i am asked to pick whether to be hurt once but so effing deep or so many times but not so deep, i would pick several times but not so deep.

You know why? Because i've been in both situations and when i was hurt deeply, i crushed. I didn't know if i could take it or not. If she's not there, i can guarantee that i would have dropped and cried my heart out. Well, not literally because i find it hard to cry. There's something in me that would hold me back from crying. I guess, i'm used to the term:

     'You have no place in the world to tell people what you feel'. 

I guess i'm too used to that term. Who am i in this god damn world to tell people what i feel. I hold things back. I have no right to speak out my mind. I am just another bug/parasite, ruining other people's lives. Am i right? Yes, i am.

And the person that hurt me so freaking deep is someone whom i love. I never thought i'd come from her. She is someone whom i respect 100%. I never thought she would say such a thing. Don't know whether she realised it or not, but after she said that, i apologised and never said a word again. To me she is so perfect and i look up high to her.

Do you know how it feels like to be criticised and looked down by someone whom you respect?

If you have been in that situation, i got your back, dear. Just give me a call.

But if you haven't ; don't be.

Whenever you avoid, i'll approach
Whenever you fall, i'll try to catch
But why and why?
Maybe i'm just a bourgeois to you
Maybe I'm just another trash that you picked up
Maybe i'm too close to you
Maybe I'm just another humilation
Maybe i'm such a disgrace

Maybe there isn't a 'maybe'
Just 'i am'

Before i humiliate you even more,
I better bid farewell
You know what's inside?
Crushed. Despair. Sadness. Sorrow.

Sorry for letting you down

-if only you know who you are...

p/s: Zooe,

Obviously aku pilih banyak2 kali by orang yang aku benci daripada sekali daripada orang yang aku sayang. Sebab aku sayang sangat dengan orang dan aku mesti takkan percaya yang dia buat semua tu.
Lagi satu, aku rasa aku lah penyebab ko nak post in english. Mesti masa tu ko baru baca blog aku kan? Muahahahahha!!


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